I had dinner with a Confident Person about 7 months ago. As someone who notoriously blushes with shyness at even the thought of public speaking, I asked him how he, who is known for being well-spoken and confident, interacts with people so well. He told me to look around the room at all the people in the restaurant. He said that every person in there started out as a little boy or a little girl, and keeping this in mind helps him to see people for who they are no matter their age, societal status, financial situation, etc. How do we treat kids, in general? We are gracious and kind and nurturing and sensitive. Kids are innocent, not yet hardened or jaded by life. They don't have up as many walls or defense mechanisms. It's easier to see a child for their person than it is to see an adult for theirs. I like his perspective, and I gave it a lot of thought over the last several months.
I saw my shadow at the track yesterday and it brought me back to what I looked like when I was a little girl running home from school with my backpack on, pigtails flying behind me in a fury. I went to the track to do 800 metre repeats which, to the non-runners out there, just means running 2 laps around the track so hard and fast that puke is possible and sore legs are probable... only to rest for a lap before doing it all over again. I did it ten times.
There's something so primal about running hard. My heart rate accelerates to the point where my body changes gears from physical strength to emotional strength, tapping into where my anger and angst are stored, drawing them out and exorcising them into sweat and breath and fight. All that fuel is stored deep within me where the centre of Suzy exists, where I've always been. Like that little girl who ran home from school with her piggy tails, and like the woman who ran the 800 metre repeats yesterday.
Life can happen over the span of 30 years. People come and go, pets die, love is found and lost, sickness comes and goes, people and houses and bodies break down and are restored, but me, who was lovingly created to be Suzy, will always be Suzy. Maybe a little weathered around the edges of my heart and eyes, but the fuel within is always me, the little girl who was and the woman who is now. Same person. Same huge hair. Some things never change.
