A long-time friend of mine posted a note on Facebook the other day that read, "One of the greatest freedoms in life is simply not caring what other people think of you." And it made me think.
I
know what's she is saying here, I do, and I believe her heart is in the
right place. But very few people, if any, can actually NOT care
what other people think of us. It's like saying, "One of the greatest
freedoms in life is simply not having to go to the bathroom anymore."
It's like duh. No shit. Would it be nice? Sure. Is it going to happen?
Not as long as we're living.
I've thought about this many, many, many times and I have tried, OH so hard to not
care what people think of me. But if I truly didn't care, I'd probably
wear full bum underwear under stretchy pants. And when I dropped Special
"O" sauce onto my shirt out of my White Spot cheeseburger, I'd rub it
in instead of change into something clean. And when I let one go in
public, rather than duck behind one of my kids I'd puff out my chest,
cup my hands around my mouth and holler, "THAT WAS MEEEEE, BAYBEEEE!!!"
I think what my friend was trying to say is what the doctor and theologian Gerald May once wrote, "self-acceptance is freedom." THAT is where the money is. And to take it even further, Anne Lamott writes in her new book Stitches: "they taught me that maturity is the ability to live with unresolved problems."
So
to me, it makes much more sense to strive toward something attainable
(such as self-acceptance) rather than something that is impossible to
acquire: the skill of not caring what others think. And to accept Self
means to accept us Just As We Are Right Now. Not when we're perfect,
because that will never happen. But to accept the scar on my nose and my
bad choices and my blotchy skin and my quick temper and bouts of
emotional immaturity. And because I care about me, and because I care
about my family and friends and how I view myself and hold myself up to
the world, I hope that I continue this journey of learning and solving
problems and resolving conflicts with a clean shirt and no panty lines.
I believe Anne Larnott is right when she says that maturity is the ability to live with unresolved problems. But that's different than not caring what people think about us. I have been able to do that (mostly) over the last two years, when I recognized that it's more important what I think about myself than what others think of me. For example, I know you'd probably not wear "full bum underwear under stretchy pants" because you wouldn't want to see yourself in them (in the mirror), regardless of what other people think. I was once told that "my business is to help others. What they think of me is none of my business". I don't know how true that is for others, but it's sure helped me.
ReplyDeleteSuzy, I always refer back to my favourite quote by Dr. Seuss in matteres of self acceptance, Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind! Love that saying and love what you write!
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