Text Eulogy

I was getting so sick of misunderstood texts so I phoned my cell phone company and asked them to turn off my free endless texting feature. The guy who took my call was aghast, wanting to know why I didn't want to text anymore. In all the years he's worked there, nobody had ever made this request, not once. Not one single person.

But I bet that I won't be the last.

This is a ballsy assumption but I know that everyone reading this post right now can think of a time where a text they sent or received was misunderstood and it somehow adversely affected a relationship to the point of complete destruction, or at best, made for a really shitty day. Right? I bet all my underwire bras that this is true.

Texting is convenient, sure. But it should be treated like fast food; it's a quick way to fulfill a need but it should never replace the meat and potatoes of face to face human interaction. Emoticon has the word "con" in it for a reason. Texting doesn't pick up our eye movements, our blushing cheeks and furrowed brows. Even a smiley face can be taken as sarcasm-soaked anger.

Not even that but we all know how easy it is to send off a sentence we'd never even dream of uttering out loud. Removing ourselves by one step with a handheld device can make us brave enough to win us Douchebag of the Year awards. It's the easiest way to duck and run while saving face, because our face wasn't even in the frame in the first place.

Don't think I'm getting all Ruthy Righteous here. I suck, I totally suck. And if I didn't tell you the truth that I'm practically twitching in text withdrawal then I would suck even more. Phone calls with 800 kids and a crying baby is about as much fun as scraping dried bits of pasta off casserole dishes. But for me today, it's the healthier option. Maybe one day when I get more sleep and less mastitis I will be able to integrate texting into my life in a balanced way but for now, I'm not.

Lora, I already know you love Nathen and you probably just ran 8 miles in an insanely fast time and now you're drinking wine and painting. And Christy, OMFW. Right? And Alison, *insert the girl doing the karate move that we use as a hug*. Jason, just look at the schedule app. Jake, if you're texting me then you're in huge trouble because you're not supposed to have your phone. Tracey, I'm really glad my kids didn't pick up my phone and see that picture. Lori, you're my hero as always. Jane, I love that song too! And Andrew... well, I still love you more.

:)