Day Six

Fear.

As a kid, I remember running up the stairs from time to time and getting that holy-shit-something-big-and-hairy-is-chasing me feeling and although I knew on an intellectual level that there really was nothing chasing me, that terrified feeling felt so real! Why did it feel real? Because the feeling WAS real. But just because the feeling was real doesn't mean that there really was something big and hairy chasing me.

Feelings are feelings. Truth is truth. Feelings are real and truth is real, but they're not one and the same.

It seems to me that fear is a powerful one, though. Ghandi wrote: "The enemy is fear.  We think it is hate. But, it is fear." That's a pretty ballsy statement seeing as the subject of hate can conjure up some pretty vivid images.

However, I entertained the idea of fear being worse than hate and I came up with a few thoughts. Fear causes that "flight or fight" response which releases epinephrine and nor-epinephrine (adrenalin hormones) into the bloodstream. I remember when Katie had a severe croup attack and when we got to the ER, they injected her with these hormones so that her body would dig deep and fight harder to take in more oxygen. I held her between my legs and with my arms wrapped around her tiny body I felt her heart rate increase seemingly tenfold, and felt her chest heaving while her little blue lips gasped for breath inside of the teensie tiny oxygen mask. She was scared. I was terrified.

The treatment worked and after being admitted for monitoring, she was okay.

That "fight or flight" response is meaningful. We either get stuck (flight), or we react hastily with arms swinging (fight).

When I learned First Aid and CPR I was taught that the initial reaction of someone drowning is to fight the rescuer. As someone jumping into the water to save the struggling swimmer, we need to keep this in mind. It doesn't make sense, does it? But it happens all. the. time. So much that they teach it when they teach us lifesaving skills.

We're human, and so we fear.

I know someone who is afraid of driving over the Fraser River into Greater Vancouver for fear that the bridge will collapse on him. He doesn't cross the bridge.

I know someone who is so afraid of dogs so much that she doesn't run anymore.

I know someone who is so afraid to love again that he'd rather be alone forever.

I know someone who is so afraid of leaving her abusive husband because she doesn't know what life would be like without him.

Hate might be what we breathe out, but fear limits the oxygen we need to breathe in before we can even think about hating.

It kills us before we even get the chance to live.