"There is an awful abyss that occurs after the shattering and before a new reality appears."
I love how I wrote this quote underneath my lament about the state of my life. I'm not exactly sure what my abyss looked like but I have a hunch that while I was floating around in the darkness, I had dreads, I smelled like patchouli and had bits of kale and sunflower seeds stuck between my teeth.
I'm thankful that my abyss didn't last very long and I appreciate the fact that my friends didn't ditch me for someone who smelled less like dead grass and more like humanity, but I do acknowledge that my darkness provided me with the gift of transformation; I came out the other side just like, way better of a person.
I remember phoning Jane up and I'd be messy-crying, sobbing and gasping, "JANE! I just want to feel NORMAL AGAIN!" and she would tell me, "Suzy... you won't ever feel the way you did before. You're inventing a new normal, now."
A new normal. A new reality. First a shattering, then an abyss, and then a new reality will appear, I promise. The darkness will feel all-consuming, but it's where the transformation happens. And I'm not leaving, either, even if you smell.
I remember phoning Jane up and I'd be messy-crying, sobbing and gasping, "JANE! I just want to feel NORMAL AGAIN!" and she would tell me, "Suzy... you won't ever feel the way you did before. You're inventing a new normal, now."
A new normal. A new reality. First a shattering, then an abyss, and then a new reality will appear, I promise. The darkness will feel all-consuming, but it's where the transformation happens. And I'm not leaving, either, even if you smell.
You'd re-think that if you could catch a whiff of my Bikram Yoga mat.
ReplyDeleteTracey, I have loved you through all sorts of whiffs. I won't stop now.
ReplyDeleteFine piece of writing. As easter comes by, think of it as crucifying your older self and ascending to something higher. Or, in other words, as you've probably heard, when running through hell, the best thing to do is keep going.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting how pain seems to bring people "higher." Like, how a lot of people fast and pray for the purpose of bettering someone/something. I think that's why runners love the pain of the distance, because we come out the other end just that much stronger. Bleeding, but stronger. Stinky, but stronger. Hungry, but stronger. Rawr.
DeleteI am thinking that transformation is the new normal. Static is comfortable but there is no growth. Forging new paths is the way to go. Forward movement is where it's at.
ReplyDeleteForging new paths... YEAH! Fo sho. I gotta admit though, that sometimes a life crisis demands some sort of comfortable stability. I tell people who are going through shit to go out and do something "normal" like get milk and bread at the store or clean the bathroom. But that's just at the first dunk into the abyss... once we've been in there for a while it's up to us to choose to get up from it and grow. And THAT is where forward movement comes in. Woohooooo!
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