Lilies

I love much and therefore I lose much, but to me, it's worth the risk.

I once stood in front of my cabin at summer camp and with my heart in my hands, I offered myself to love. I didn't have much to offer back then. I was empty and small and needy as I stood there in the dirt patch with my hair blowing into my mouth, my eyes open and hungry. But I gave all I had. He dropped my heart into the dirt and walked away.

Between then and now I fed my soul and healed my wounds and became whole. I can stand on that same dirt patch with my heart in my scarred hands with my hair blowing into my mouth but this time there are lilies between my toes, wrapping themselves around my legs. My eyes are open and full, my feet planted firmly in who I am. Once again I give my love.

I lost myself once, when I was small and needy. I won't lose myself again not because I am hardened and jaded but because I am strong like the sky: you might not be able to see my strength but it's always there, being breathed into and out of my heart. I have much love to give and therefore much love to lose. My dear friend quoted this to me yesterday: "Life is like photography: we develop from our negatives."

Lilies grow where dirt once was.