Little Things

I haven’t been inspired to write lately and when I do sit down to punch the keys, I end up plunging myself into an abyss of analytical brain sludge. Borrrrr-ingggg. I figured I would take a lighter approach and just go for it, and whatever comes out, comes out.

I’m sitting at Wendel’s in Fort Langley waiting for my chicken avocado wrap. I don’t know what it is but the familiarity of this place cradles me like a solid sports bra. Wildly bouncing around or hanging in surrendered desolation, I take comfort in knowing that I can be me here, just as I am.

I’m staring over at the patch of grass by the train tracks, remembering when I convinced one of my friends to pee beside the sign that showed a picture of a dog squatting with a line through it. Okay, so I was the one who peed by the sign. Whatever. Or when a bunch of us met here to hoop in the grass only to have the lady who lives in the old train house come out and yell at us to be quiet (about 30 seconds before a train ripped through).

I remember driving around one night in a blind fury of emotions, feeling pulled to this place like a baby to breast, parking my van and without even getting out, I bawled my eyes out until my insides felt empty again. And then I pulled my computer onto my lap and wrote out my most gut-wrenching journal entry that even now, 3 years later, I can barely get through.

In the spring, I like to sit outside with a salad and a Stella and let the sun pour the warmth back into me where winter left me empty and cold.

One snowy night in December last year, somebody close to me (I won’t name names!) threw up a Fort Pub cheeseburger in behind the hedge here.

This is where I brought Jake in April to talk about huge life stuff while we destroyed a piece of chocolate cake. We sat at an inside table and while we ate, he let me know the darkest parts of his heart and mind and he let himself fall into the safety of my unconditional love.

Well, I just finished my avocado wrap (a perfect balance of healthy fat and bacon and vegetable wholesomeness) and despite a couple of smudges of salad dressing on the keys, I think that once again, this visit has been successful. Sometimes it’s the little things in life that keep us going. I’ll take ‘em all, with a latte and a peanut butter bar.