Melody and I became fast friends when (as Jake's grade three teacher at a Christian private school) she took the class to a Dawali festival at the public school down the road. She got a lot of flack from a few parents who didn't appreciate her liberal openness to other religions and I respected her for the way she graciously handled the angry emails.
We were bored one night and looking for something to do, so we snooped around and found a local hockey game to go to where our university was playing the Vancouver Canucks Alumni team. My favourite player of all time, Dave Babych was going to be there, so I conducted a plan.
I brought two plain white tee shirts over to her place and we drew Dave's profile with the words "Babych is Bitchin'" written across the front of each shirt. I knitted big brown mustaches and we stuck them on our faces with huge pieces of masking tape. Then we walked into the arena and attracted all sorts of raucous. Melody got her picture in the local paper and she was so worried about getting in trouble from the principal at the school for having the word "bitchin'" across her shirt. I couldn't stop laughing.
After we left the arena, we bought lime green vodka flavoured drinks at a liquor store and drank them in the parking lot of a pub, and then went in and looked alarmingly weird in our outfits and mustaches. At one point we walked into the bathroom and this girl, stumbling toward us in a drunken stupor says to me, "Hey, baby bitch!" And that's been my nickname ever since.
The kitchen closed at the pub and I, needing food desperately in a pathetic attempt to soak up the vodka sugar, convinced Melody to walk over to Boston Pizza for some midnight snacks. We sat in a booth and before the menu could even make it to our table, I booked it for the bathroom and puked fluorescent green like Shrek at a bachelor party.
It's just one of my many stories. That is all.
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